Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
