Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
