Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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