Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
