There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
