Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So many bounce houses so little time
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
