I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
