So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
