Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
