I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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