I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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