can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
