it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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