I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
