You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
