he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
