someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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