mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
