What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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