went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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