Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
