This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
