i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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