You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
