why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Randomize
