What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
