can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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