come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
