Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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