Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You are the jesus of drinking
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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