She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
