do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
