did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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