I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
