The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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