I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
