You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Ladies don't puke and tell
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
