that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
