Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
