So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
