So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
