We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
FUCK WHALES
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
