I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
