she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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