are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
