This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
