I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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