Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
