id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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