Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
