we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
